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“Where did this come from?” Mom asked as they were putting the groceries away.“You’re going to teach me how to make pancakes tomorrow.”“If you’re up in time, I’ll teach you. Otherwise, read the directions on the box.”“You didn’t teach me one hell of a lot,” Mandy said, “but you did teach me some cooking. Why didn’t you teach me how to cook any breakfast? I only know French toast and omelets, and omelets are for other meals, too.”“I taught you how to prepare your own bowl of cereal. You think that’s elementary, but it wasn’t when you learned it. But, you’re right, and there were two reasons. One, getting you up in time to eat breakfast was a challenge for most of your life, and you are never going to be a homemaker. I taught you a few meals to impress your boyfriends. Remember in high school, we had one as a guest, and I told him that you had prepared the meal?”“Yeah. A couple of times.”“Well, honey,” Mom said, “I didn’t want you serving breakfast to your boyfriends.” And, now, she. .. oh...oh, shit." The collapse of the cardboard workshop ruined his orgasm and made mine seem increasingly less appropriate. The good thing was that it fell over us, covering us completely. The bad thing was that huge sheets of corrugated cardboard are heavy. We struggled to untangle from one another and then to reassemble our costumes without letting the gathering crowd see what we were doing. We must have succeeded because there was applause when we both crawled from the papery wreckage. A man in a business suit hurried over to us. His nametag identified him as mall management. "What happened?" he demanded. I couldn't seem to speak. Luckily, Santa's tongue was good for more than one thing. "There was a flap of cardboard loose in the workshop ceiling," he lied smoothly. "We were seeing if we could fix it from the inside, but I guess it made the structure unstable. You're lucky nobody was hurt." The manager's face reddened. "I'm going to take this young lady for a hot cocoa while you.
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